We finally made it!!!

Hey Yall!! We finally made it to Friday! Holla!

So today was virtually uneventful even though I had a slip up with food! Ugh it was awful. I had a long tough day at work and had to go to the store and get the essentials milk, paper towels etc. I decided that I would go by Wendy's and get the kids something and decided on a salad. Ok I know its not the best but I figured it was better than a burger and fries. So that in itself wasn't bad, but ( and you know there is always a but) my oldest Ms. E decided that her and her friends wanted to order pizza. Ok I usually can resist but when it go here it was bacon and cheese and I broke down and at a slice. It was SOOOOO GOOOD!!! But.... after I ate it I felt soooooooo BAD!!! I felt just awful and disgusting. I am so disappointed in myself and normally I would have just said F*&k it and eaten another piece. I mean I already screwed up so who cares right but I didn't I resisted. So even though it was a major cheat it was a minor victory of not stuffing my face.

So I decided that tomorrow I am starting Jillian Michaels Kickbox Fast Fix. I have been looking at it for a while and broke down and bought it. I don't know how I will do or if I will even make it through it but I am damn sure gonna try.

The rest of the weekend will probably be pretty quiet. Kids have bowling in the morning and lunch with the parents and then its hermit time at home. I love hermit time nothing to do and no where to go. It is something that I look forward too no makeup and I don't even fix my hair. So tata for now and stay tuned to see how my kick boxing goes. Peace Out!

T.G.I.A.F - Thank Goodness It's Almost Friday (My week at a glance)

T.G.I.A.F (Thank God It’s Almost Friday)

 



 

 

Well it has been one hell of a week.  Work has been absolutely insane and my 2 year old Ms. Z has decided that even though she is almost 3 and has been wonderful that she is going to start the TERRIBLE 2’s!!! She has been absolutely impossible!!! Talk about headstrong she must get that from her dad because I am as calm, cool and collected as the come (wink, wink).

 

 

So anyways here is my week at a glance…….

Monday started out your typical day get up, exercise, get ready, fix lunches, get the kids ready and off the bus stop or school, drop off Ms Z at BB’s and all before 8!!! Whew!! So the hubs calls me at around 10 and says his sister that he hasn’t seen in years is here from Missouri and she wants to cook us dinner and spend a little time with us.  Well, Hell all I can think of is that my house is an absolute wreck and are there clothes on the bathroom floor?!?! Oh well what can I do? So they are there when I get home we have a pleasant enough visit and they leave about 11:00 which in turn the kids are wired and don’t want to go to bed and I am running on the big E!! So finally all is settled down and I am in bed and can’t go to sleep! UGH! So in short it was a very short night. ZZZZZZZZ

 

Tuesday starts off about the same way and ends up with my oldest Ms E cooking us dinner and cleaning up!! It was so nice to come home eat and just relax a little bit!!!

 

Wednesday starts off you got it the same way accept Wednesday night is kinda date night.  We have a babysitter for the kiddos and we go bowling.  We bowl on a league and it is really mostly just for fun but I had a GREAT night.  I don’t know if any of you know but when you bowl on a league you bowl 3 games and you bowl against another team and the highest score wins. My average is about 162.  Which isn’t bad but there are some really really good bowlers.  Long story short I ended up with a 568 series which consisted of a 203, 175 and 190 games!!! HOLLA!!! Woo Woo!!  Had a great night with the hubs and friends drank a few light beers (Bud Select 55 Cals) and then went home to tend to the kiddos.  On the way home I realize I love my time but I miss them greatly while I am away!

 

Our Lane Lucky Number 13 & 14!!

 

So today is Thursday and it really is pretty typical except when I weighed this morning I was down another pound (178) woot woot!!! So that started my day off to an excellent start!! Got half way to work (FYI I work about 20 minutes from home) and my daughter calls (Ms. E) and says I forgot my project at home and I need you to bring it to me?!?! WTH…. Which by the way I have like 15 minutes to get to work on time so there is NO way I will get home, get the project, get it to the school and then to work in 15 freaking minutes.  So needless to say my daughter is upset with me I told her I couldn’t go get her project and we had a talk about responsibility and how she needs to pay better attention! So I don’t know if that makes me a bad parent or not but that is the decision I made and hopefully it is a life lesson learned for her. 

 

That is it so far for the week it is about 4:20 (huh?!?! J ) and I am ready for the day to be over with so I can start my 2^nd job as Mom!!

 

I leave you with a picture of SOCKS the Sock Monkey Love Him!! Peace Out!

 



 

 

Weekend Ins & Outs.........

Well it was a fairly uneventful weekend but a decent one.  It started out on Friday the hubby he bowls on a Friday night league so Friday nights are for me and kiddos.  This Friday Melayna the middle one was staying with her dad, and my oldest was staying the weekend with a friend so that left me and little Ms. Z.  We pretty much vegged out and watched movies, read books and attemted some potty training! Ugh what a chore that is!!! That is a post for another time however.



Zoe with Tebow our Fat Kitty!!!



So then Saturday it was up and going to take Melayna to bowl. She bowls on a Saturday morning kids league. She loves it and does pretty good her average is about a 103.  I am pretty proud of that considering she is only 9.  The hubby worked until 3 and I went home and cleaned and did laundry while the kids played outside.  We decided that on Saturday night we were going to take Zoe to see the Easter Bunny at the mall.  Sounds like a great idea right?! WRONG!! She was terrified and this is a child that seems to be scared of nothing well she was scared of him so we decided to not do that and we walked down to claires and decided on getting her bunny ears that included a crown and she told me that was better than that creepy ol thing with big ears! LOL Gotta love her.

So after the mall we decided to go get sketty this is Zoe's favorite dish she loves it so we ended up going to Olive Garden and I tried not to over eat but Italian is my favorite. I did pretty good had too many breadsticks probably but I tried to make up for it on the treadmill the next day.





Sunday was pretty easy peasy. We went to the grocery store and then came home and watched NASCAR. We are big sports fans so any sports on Sunday we are on it.

That pretty much sums up the ins and outs of my uneventful weekend.  Hope everyone has a great week!!

 

Heather

 



Friday

Ok so I just sat down to do another post and I read my last post and OMFG!!! I must have been having a really bad day!!! I was on the corner of depressed and AAAAHHHH!!! So if I offended anyone oh well!!

Things have been better the past week. I had a long talk with my husband and told him how I was feeling and there was a lot of crying and upsetness and it might not change a thing but I think we took the first step to trying to fix it.  So enough on that subject. 

This week has been crazy crazy it is Fair week. My daughter is involved in 4H and she grew a citrus tree. I know how redneck right?  Well it was either a tree, pig or cow.  So we decided on the tree. She did really well last night was the judging she didn't win any prizes but got a blue ribbon for participation and it was a good learning experience for her.  I am proud of her she is becoming such a grown up young lady!

Melayna's Blue Ribbon

On the weightloss front. I have been doing the Visalus weightloss program for about 2 1/2 weeks and have had some success with it. I started out at about 186 and am now down to 179.  That's 7 lbs woohoo! Hey it is not a lot but its a lot to me and I am very proud of myself for sticking to it.  I have started doing couch to 5K and have had a little success with that as well. I can feel that I have a lot more energy.  I have only been doing it 4 times a week right now as I have to get up early to do it and that is about 5 am but it will be worth it in the long run.  I need to ramp up my exercise and that will be my goal this week to do the Couch to 5K program and then also work on some weight training as well. 



We also took Zoe to the fair this week. When I was a kid I LOVED the fair. It's not a great big enourmous fair but it is our little piece of amusement.  This was her first year and she had a blast and it also wore her out!! She loved all of the rides and the lights and kept saying Momma lets go again!

 

 

                                                             
                                                             She was Exhausted!!!




I am still new to all this blogging stuff and I realize as I look at a lot of other blogs I have a long long way to go.  It does feel good however to be able to express myself in my own way.  There are so many amazing bloggers out there and I enjoy looking at all of them on a daily basis. 

Thank goodness tomorrow is Friday and I can't wait to veg and do NOTHING!!!

Peace Out,

Heather

At the Crossroads of Do Nothing or Go Forward....

I feel very very Hollow inside. It is an awful feeling. I feel like my marriage is on the decline and maybe it is.  Why can’t he just love me the way that is normal for a husband and wife to love each other and be true and faithful?  I hate technology it has made emotional affairs so much easier.  I guess you have to have gone thru that in order to realize how awful of a feeling it is.  I really want to say I want to stay with my husband but I don’t know if I can do it.  He isn’t kind loving or any of those things. He doesn’t care about me truly he cares more about himself and his friends and he cares about his privacy.  Why do you need privacy when you are married?  I think if you aren’t doing anything wrong it doesn’t make sense that you would get so mad at everything.  I guess I just don’t understand.  He could look at anything that I have anything I wouldn’t care it wouldn’t matter to me.  He is unfaithful and he doesn’t worry about losing me because he knows how I am and that I will be there. Maybe he should worry. Maybe he needs to think about what he will or can lose.  I am so mad, hurt and upset right now. My husband is not a husband he is not someone that is going to love me no matter what. All I want from him is to not to talk to women not to flirt on the text and ask them to see things or be sexual talking with them.  I am sure in his mind he thinks I have actually had sex with anyone but you so it is OK. But, it is NOT ok I don’t accept that as being OK.  Those are things that are reserved for us not for others. When it comes to me though he doesn’t know how to be nice and loving and even sexual. It is all about him always has been and always will be.  I just know that I am headed for HUGE heartbreak and it is going to stink it is going to hurt so very much and I am going to feel that emptiness and loneliness and hate every minute of  it but what do I do?  Do I live the rest of my life suffering because I am not happy? Our do I rip the band aid off now?  Do I make it quick because no matter how you look at it it’s going to be painful extremely painful.  This is a man that I gave my everything, my all, my entire world heart and soul and what does he do he treats it like it’s something that he doesn’t have to worry about losing. So all and all I have a decision to make I am not sure I am strong enough right now to make the right one.  I just want to be happy and a little bit worry free. There is enough in life to worry about without having to worry if your husband is going to be faithful or not.  So I am at the crossroads and in short I have to decided which direction I am going to take.  The wide easy path or the rocky narrow one.

When life gives you lemons "Pucker UP"!

Well it has been  a few days since my rant on how my life kinda stinks right now.  Don't get me wrong I know that life is not all fun and games or even close to fair.  I also know life is what you make it.  I am working on my self image in hopes that this will give me some self confidence to stand up for myself and not be just a door mat. I have a tendancy to be a little bit of a yes person.  I don't want to hurt feelings and I want to make everyone happy. Yeah right has that EVER happened?!?!  I know it is something that I will never see in my lifetime.  So when life gives you lemons what do you do?  Well I was talking to a very wise women(my mother) recently and I said to her when life gives you lemons what do you do and she said well you Pucker UP and tell it to kiss your a@#!! Ok well that sounds awesome and something I would like to do but exactly how do I do that?  She said basically you put up with life and it's lemons until you can't take it anymore and then you pucker up tell it to kiss your a@#! So I have been contemplating this for a while and I guess in my life situation I have yet to make it to the breaking point or Pucker UP stage as my mother put it.  I love my girls they mean everything to me always have and always will.  I do love my husband I can't say it is as much now as I did in the beginning but I think breaking your trust will do that to any type of relationship.  I am still trying to make lemonade out of my lemons in hope that things will work out and that things are not irretrivably bitter and broken and I don't know if that will ever happen or not but I am going to give it my best.  I also know on the other side of things it takes two people to make it or break it and only time will tell how committed my husband is to doing it.  He says all of the right things and I really really want to believe him but it is so hard I hear him say the words but I keep saying to myself he won't stick to it he can't or he doesn't really mean it he is just telling me what I want to hear.  Stay tuned to hear if I Pucker UP or not!  

Another Week Same Ol Me......

Well this was my first full week on Visalus. Two shakes a day and a sensible dinner. Makes it easy for me to prepare for lunch and the shakes are delicious. I feel better in general this week with my physical self. Mentally not so much. On a good note I have lost 3 pounds. Which is awesome my goal is to lose 10 pounds from here. At least at first. I would love to be in better shape and a healthier weight by May. We have family coming and I would like to be a little closer to shorts and beach shape if there is going to be such a thing for me. On the home front the girls are all good. Erica (15 yr old) she is always so busy and her social life is in full swing as always. She begged me to let her have a sleep over tonight and I caved I usually like Friday's to unwind just me and Zoe of course. My middle child goes with her dad on Friday nights and my husband is on a bowling league and usually closes the place down. But, alas I caved and there are 3 giggling, laughing and loud teenage girls here not much peace for me. LOL On a bright note at least I know where she is and what she is doing. On the relationship side of my week I don't feel that my marriage is holding together very well right now. Maybe it is me I really don't know. I will admit freely I don't trust my husband very much right now. I have trust issues from my past and my husband has a tendency to think that he is still single. I know you are saying why in the hell are you still there. Well some days I know and some days I don't. Some days I think being on my own with the girls would be so much easier but then I miss him and I just want my life to be happy. Now just so you know I am not blind to the fact that life is not a fairytale. I do however know that infidelity is something that should not be tolerated in a marriage. I believe my husband loves me in his own way. I am not sure what all he has encountered in his life growing up and what he thinks is ok and what he thinks is not ok. I am not sure what the future holds for us or for me. I know I want life to be good and for our family to work but I don't know to what extent he is willing to go to work everything out. I have been going to counseling and my counselor is helping me to work through these issues and to make some really serious decisions. On the bright side I love my kids and they help me keep going. I am just a 35 year old women still trying to figure out what she is going to do with her life. So ask yourself if the shoe fits........then what?