Monday, March 11, 2013

At the Crossroads of Do Nothing or Go Forward....

I feel very very Hollow inside. It is an awful feeling. I feel like my marriage is on the decline and maybe it is.  Why can’t he just love me the way that is normal for a husband and wife to love each other and be true and faithful?  I hate technology it has made emotional affairs so much easier.  I guess you have to have gone thru that in order to realize how awful of a feeling it is.  I really want to say I want to stay with my husband but I don’t know if I can do it.  He isn’t kind loving or any of those things. He doesn’t care about me truly he cares more about himself and his friends and he cares about his privacy.  Why do you need privacy when you are married?  I think if you aren’t doing anything wrong it doesn’t make sense that you would get so mad at everything.  I guess I just don’t understand.  He could look at anything that I have anything I wouldn’t care it wouldn’t matter to me.  He is unfaithful and he doesn’t worry about losing me because he knows how I am and that I will be there. Maybe he should worry. Maybe he needs to think about what he will or can lose.  I am so mad, hurt and upset right now. My husband is not a husband he is not someone that is going to love me no matter what. All I want from him is to not to talk to women not to flirt on the text and ask them to see things or be sexual talking with them.  I am sure in his mind he thinks I have actually had sex with anyone but you so it is OK. But, it is NOT ok I don’t accept that as being OK.  Those are things that are reserved for us not for others. When it comes to me though he doesn’t know how to be nice and loving and even sexual. It is all about him always has been and always will be.  I just know that I am headed for HUGE heartbreak and it is going to stink it is going to hurt so very much and I am going to feel that emptiness and loneliness and hate every minute of  it but what do I do?  Do I live the rest of my life suffering because I am not happy? Our do I rip the band aid off now?  Do I make it quick because no matter how you look at it it’s going to be painful extremely painful.  This is a man that I gave my everything, my all, my entire world heart and soul and what does he do he treats it like it’s something that he doesn’t have to worry about losing. So all and all I have a decision to make I am not sure I am strong enough right now to make the right one.  I just want to be happy and a little bit worry free. There is enough in life to worry about without having to worry if your husband is going to be faithful or not.  So I am at the crossroads and in short I have to decided which direction I am going to take.  The wide easy path or the rocky narrow one.

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