Another Week Same Ol Me......

Well this was my first full week on Visalus. Two shakes a day and a sensible dinner. Makes it easy for me to prepare for lunch and the shakes are delicious. I feel better in general this week with my physical self. Mentally not so much. On a good note I have lost 3 pounds. Which is awesome my goal is to lose 10 pounds from here. At least at first. I would love to be in better shape and a healthier weight by May. We have family coming and I would like to be a little closer to shorts and beach shape if there is going to be such a thing for me. On the home front the girls are all good. Erica (15 yr old) she is always so busy and her social life is in full swing as always. She begged me to let her have a sleep over tonight and I caved I usually like Friday's to unwind just me and Zoe of course. My middle child goes with her dad on Friday nights and my husband is on a bowling league and usually closes the place down. But, alas I caved and there are 3 giggling, laughing and loud teenage girls here not much peace for me. LOL On a bright note at least I know where she is and what she is doing. On the relationship side of my week I don't feel that my marriage is holding together very well right now. Maybe it is me I really don't know. I will admit freely I don't trust my husband very much right now. I have trust issues from my past and my husband has a tendency to think that he is still single. I know you are saying why in the hell are you still there. Well some days I know and some days I don't. Some days I think being on my own with the girls would be so much easier but then I miss him and I just want my life to be happy. Now just so you know I am not blind to the fact that life is not a fairytale. I do however know that infidelity is something that should not be tolerated in a marriage. I believe my husband loves me in his own way. I am not sure what all he has encountered in his life growing up and what he thinks is ok and what he thinks is not ok. I am not sure what the future holds for us or for me. I know I want life to be good and for our family to work but I don't know to what extent he is willing to go to work everything out. I have been going to counseling and my counselor is helping me to work through these issues and to make some really serious decisions. On the bright side I love my kids and they help me keep going. I am just a 35 year old women still trying to figure out what she is going to do with her life. So ask yourself if the shoe fits........then what?